Amateur Night (Film) – 2016 I just had a baby and yet these fucks made my character 9 months pregnant.
Chicago Fire (TV Series) – 2016 I’ll never understand how I managed to get shot to pieces before fucking Taylor Kinney.
Girls (TV Series) – 2014 Just a few eps of general awesomeness.
Wilfred (TV Series) – 2013 Elijah Wood fell in love with me.
Hawaii Five-0 (TV Series) – 2013 I was an ammunitions expert, obviously.
Extracted – 2012 Lots of professional crying. Terrible dye job.
Suits (TV Series) – 2011 My hair looked like Madonna circa 2001.
Crazy, Stupid, Love. – 2011 I had scenes with Steve Carell and fucking got cut out of this movie.
L!fe Happens – 2011 Teets had a bigger role than I did.
CSI: NY (TV Series) – 2011 Gary Sinise fell in love with me.
Law & Order: LA (TV Series) – 2010 I lied and told everyone I was 25.
Off the Ledge – 2009 Don’t remember this.
Crash (TV Series) – 2009 A season’s worth of my boobs in some guy’s mouth.
Kidnapping Caitlynn (Short) (screenplay writer) – 2009 Based on my wanting to kidnap my Ex’s new girlfriend.
My Best Friend’s Girl – 2008 Met Jason. Did a lot of drugs.
Viva Laughlin (TV Series) – 2007 Made out with Melanie Grifith.
Cattle Call – 2006 Chelsea Handler and I were almost killed by Nicole Eggert’s body guards.
Ring Around the Rosie – 2006 Gave Tom Sizemore a Claritin D while he was supposed to be sober and accidentally halted shooting.
Medium (TV Series) – 2006 Spoiler Alert: I die.
Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave – 2005 Shot in Romania with illegal Russian mafia money. The kid who played my brother carried a handgun and didn’t speak English.
The Raven (Short) – 2004 Second Spoiler Alert: I die.
Angel (TV Series) – 2003-2004 David Boreanaz kidnapped me in his car during a lunch break.
D.E.B.S. – 2004 I was the German one.
Billy Makes the Cut (Short) – 2003 Doesn’t ring a bell.
Searching for Haizmann – 2003 NEVER RENT THIS MOVIE.
Influence – 2002 I don’t think I got paid for this.
Strong Medicine (TV Series) – 2001 Intense bladder infection scene.
18 Wheels of Justice (TV Series) – 2000 This was probably where my career fell apart.